Save the Kraken
by Daniel Jackson Monk
Summary: Star WarsLord of the Rings crossover. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense - but is funny! Co-written by Talkative Teal'c. Please r&r!


Done by myself and Talkative Teal'c

This is a Star Wars/Lord of the Rings/Star Trek: Next Generation crossover.

Mission: to be peace keepers during a political battle on Alderraan. They are caught in a dimensional time warp, and are swept into Middle Earth into Rivendell. Crystal and Serena must help Middle Earth overcome its dark destiny.

talkative teal'c--yes, i know, the time is off. _jacen solo _is going to alderaan? we forgot about the time line. but, I think it's pretty funny…

daniel jackson monk--my moms spaghetti makes us drunk, and we wrote this right after a big plate of it…

talkative teal'c--and milk…

daniel jackson monk--which doesn't help…

both--enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a crossover with Starwars, Lord of the Rings, and Star Trek: The Next Generation. For you Star Wars people out there - yes I know _Jacen Solo_ is going to Alderaan, but we kind of forgot about the Time Line when writing this story. So - enjoy!

Crystal: humanoid

Species: human

Sex: female

Eyes: midnight blue

Hair: super dark brown/ wavy

Height: 5' 7"

Weight: skinny

Skin: white

Age: 15 standard years

Master: Jedi Knight Jacen Solo

Serena: humanoid

Species: human

Sex: female

Eyes: bright blue

Hair: auburn/straight

Height: 5' 3"

Weight: skinny

Skin: white

Age: 16 standard years

Master: Jedi Master Kyp Durron

Mission: to be peace keepers during a political battle on Alderraan. They are caught in a dimensional time warp, and are swept into Middle Earth into Rivendell. The emperor meets Sauron and they join forces. We must help Middle Earth overcome its dark destiny.

Crystal and Serena quickly walked off the ramp that lowered down from the space liner. After observing her surroundings, Serena sighed, "Another political mission. This is the 3rd one these 2 months. Will we ever actually get an interesting mission?"

"I doubt it" replied Crystal sarcastically

Crystals' Master Jacen gave the two Padawans a stern look and said, "Every mission makes us improve ourselves. You must learn that not all missions will require lightsabers. There are several other things a Jedi must do besides fighting."

"Why can't we just do those missions later?" whispered Serena to her friend.

"Because that wouldn't make us improve ourselves." Crystal said, mimicking her Master.

"I heard that, but will not acknowledge it." said Serena's Master Kyp.

"Then why did he mention it?" asked Serena. Kyp gave her another look, and Serena was quiet. She knew when to stop pushing her master.

Soon a government official came into view. When he reached them, he offered them each swoop bikes to reach the Senate building. Jacen graciously accepted, and they each mounted their bikes.

15 minutes later, they continued to follow the government official, but suddenly disappeared! Shocked, they accelerated their swoops, searching for the official. That was when they saw a small black-and-blue swirling sphere. Kyp gestured for them to go back, but Crystal was not able to see Kyp. She moved closer to the sphere, and stuck her arm into the swirling ball. Terrified, Serena grabbed onto her hand in an attempt to pull her back. But she found herself being sucked in as well. Soon, all four Jedi were holding hands and being sucked into the swirl of death.

Next thing Crystal knew, she was lying on a hard surface with Jacen and Serena looking down on her with worried and angry faces.

"Are you all right?" asked Jacen while he carefully checked his Padawan for any signs of injury.

"A little bruised, but nothing serious." Crystal said. After getting over her worry, Serena exploded, "What did you think you were doing? You just about jumped into that, that whatever it was. Were you thinking, or have you just lost you brain?" Serena got up and stalked off to where her Master was standing. A little stunned by Serena's performance, all Crystal could do was stand up and stare. She thought she had been prepared for anything, but what met her eyes surprised even her. She had been lying on a plain of rich, green grass. To her left, off in the distance, were mountains, seeming to glow while the sun began to set behind them. To her right was a small arch. Through it, was a stone path that eventually led up to a large white building.

"Where are we?" she asked herself.

"That's what I'd like to know." replied Serena, but this time she didn't say it with anger toward her, but just anger toward having to be in this predicament. A Jedi saying sprang to Crystal's mind, _Do not focus on what you have done, but on what you must do_. She regretted her decision to reach into the sphere, but it seemed that the other Jedi had forgiven her. For now, it was best just to let things be. It wasn't until this moment that she realized that two other people were standing directly behind her. They both appeared to be Jedi, but she didn't recognize them from the Academy. That was not unusual. There were many students at the temple, and to know all of them would most likely take a millennia. The others seemed to have accepted them, so she would too. But seeing her curious gaze upon them, the older Jedi introduced himself, "My name is Obi-wan Kenobi, and this is my Padawan, Anakin Skywalker." _Skywalker_! Thought Crystal, wasn't he VADAR! He has been dead for 30 years, but he looked about the same age as Serena. Suddenly remembering her manners, Crystal replied, "My name is Crystal Veila," she paused, "um, just wondering... but aren't you dead?!" Obi-wan smiled, "I know it seems like a odd concept, but somehow the past and present have met." She waited for him to continue, but he did not. Wanting to break the silence, she finally asked, "So, do any of you have any idea where we are?" At this Kyp sighed, and replied, "No, we don't."

"Oh. Well, at least were not chained to a wall with a cavernmouth attacking us." she said cheerfully, naming an incredibly fast beast that could chop of your head before you knew it was even there. No one smiled at her humor. She realized another important fact, the sphere was no more than 10 feet away from her. In a smaller version, it was true, but it was still there; spinning as always. "Why don't we just jump back in?" asked Crystal. No one answered her. After about 10 minutes of dead silence, Serena said, "Because we could end up anywhere." Crystal looked at her questionably "I think I understand!" exclaimed Serena. Everyone looked up at her hopefully.

"You all took the same Jedi classes in science as me, so you know that matter really is mostly empty space, right?" everyone nodded.

"So, in theory, if we could reposition the atoms of something, we could just walk right though it. We know that space is fluid, that's been known for a long time. But suppose that time is really just another branch of space?" Anakin gave her a strange look, not sure of where she was going with this.

"In time, we only move in one direction and in one speed. But suppose that with the right tools, we would move in whatever direction we wanted and at the speed that we wanted. We could literally move to any place and any time in a fraction of a second. If this...sphere can direct space _and _time. Well, the places or times that we could end up in are endless! We could literally end up _anywhere,_ and I guess I should also say _anywhen_." Although this information helped them to understand the sphere, it didn't help them get back home. Only Obi-wan didn't seem to be in despair. It was not his nature to dispare. "Which leads me to another question," Serena continued, turning her auburn head toward Obi-wan, "just how did you end up here?"

"There was a sphere on Coruscant." He said evenly. Jacen gasped. Coruscant! With so many people on that planet, millions of people could come crashing through the sphere at any moment!

"But not to worry," Obi-wan assured them, "it closed behind us."

"How do you know?" asked Crystal doubtfully.

"I felt it."

"Oh."

"Well, I hardly think were going to do any good just moping around the outskirts of what appears to be a city. I say that we approach that building over there, and see what we can see." Said Kyp.

"But we don't know where or even _when_ we are." Objected Anakin. "There could be millions of hostile giant insects or no intelligent life at all, for all we know."

"Then what do you suggest we should do?" asked Kyp. As no one could come up with any better ideas, the six of them headed toward the white building.

The Jedi saw another small group of people off to their right. The other group quickly approached the Jedi, showing their palms out as a sign of peace.

"I am Commander Riker of the starship Enterprise. And these are my associates Lieutenant Commander Data, Councilor Deanna Troi, Lieutenant Geordi La Forge, and Ensign Wesley Crusher. " Said the leader of the other group.

"I am Jedi Master Obi-wan Kenobi. This is my apprentice Anakin Skywalker. This is Jedi Master Kyp Durron, and his apprentice Serena Pellaeon. This is Jedi Knight Jacen Solo and his apprentice Crystal Veila."

"Do you know where we are?" asked Crystal, avoiding the eyes of the other glaring Jedi.

"We were hoping you could tell us that." Commented Riker.

"Were going that way, wanna come?" asked Crystal, pointing towards the white building. Jacen quickly covered over her blunder by saying, "What she means, is that we were heading in the general vicinity of that structure. Would you care to join us?"

Riker nodded yes.

As soon as they resumed their walking, Serena whispered in Crystals ear, "_Wanna come_? What is that? I knew you didn't do well in your diplomatic classes, but I didn't know you flunked them!"

"I didn't!" retorted Crystal, "I just had a little trouble in it."

"How much trouble?"

"You really should be paying attention."

"To what? There's nothing here."

"Well, those pointy eared people that are sitting in a circle over there might count."

"What?!" exclaimed Serena.

"Who's the stupid one now?"

"That never changed, you still are."

Serena turned to see a group of – what were they? They were humanoid in form. Most of them had long, blond hair, although a few of the beings heads were dark. The fact that they had pointy ears did not surprise her at all. She had met many different types of creatures, and she had seen things far stranger than just pointy ears.

Suddenly one of the "pointy-eared-people" jumped up, and faster than the eye could see, drew his bow.

"These are invaders!" he cried.

"I am Commander Riker of the U.S.S. Enterprise. We have come to this place accidentally, and apologize for any disturbance we may have caused." said Riker.

The creature looked at him with a weary eye, not lowering his guard,"I am Legolas Greenleaf of the elves of Mirkwood."

Riker nodded, "Greetings. I am afraid that I don't know exactly where we are. Could you perhaps enlighten us?"

"You are currently in Rivendell." replied the elf.

"And what planet?" replied Riker.

The elf frowned, "What do you mean, planet?" the elf was clearly confused.

"You don't know what a planet is?" Crystal asked with complete sincerity.

This time, everyone from her group _and_from the Enterprise shot her the dagger-look. So the council told them everything, and they left for Mordor!

"Save the Kraken! How would you like to be shot with arrows! YOU!" she shouted while glaring at Legolas, "have committed a grave injustice. You should be ashamed of yourself! Save the Krakens!" Serena chanted while carrying a picket sign which read "Save the Krakens!"

"Kill Serena!! Everyone kill Serena! And Wesley! And Frodo! Not to mention the Kraken! Ok, Charge!!!!" Crystal yelled as she brandished her lightsaber and advanced on Serena.

"You'll never take us alive!" screamed Serena valiantly.

"I don't think they were considering any other options." Pointed out Wesley.

"True, but it sounds very brave." Responded Serena, "So.. You'll never take us alive!" She grabbed her lightsaber, and gathering the Force about her, went out to meet Crystal.

They met with a tremendous clash of wills, and after a moment, with lightsabers. A few parrys later, Serena turned and ran away out of sight. She was meeting with Wesley.

"Run! Run for your life!" screeched Serena as she desperately retreated. "Into the cave!"

"We need to regroup!" said Serena once she caught her breath.

"With who?" asked Wesley, "The two of us can't fight all of them, and blubber boy here won't be of much help." He gestured to Frodo, who was off in a corner wailing.

"We just need to think and we can solve this problem." Said Serena with up most confidence.

"We have to find them! They might turn to the dark side, or worse, eat onions and kill us with their breath! Legolas go find them, _Please_," looking at him with sad eyes.

"Okay." He went off to find them. He returned five seconds later.

"I Know where they are. They are in the cave. Shall I do the honors?" he asked Crystal.

"Of course."

"Charge!!!"

"Oh monkeys!" muttered Serena and she threw herself against the wall.

"What?" asked the concerned Wesley.

"It's the blond dude with the frippy clothing! He just saw us. We have to move! What I would give for a shuttle craft! I suggest we get out of here." Wesley nodded, and after slinging the now whimpering Frodo over his shoulder, set out for the plains.

"There they are! Get them! Hummmmmmm." Crystal said, mocking her lightsaber. "We are in the middle of a battle and all you can do is hum?! Jacen, why do lightsabers hum?"

"I'll tell you later"

"Would you please shut up and get this over with!?" Crystal raced for the infidels.

They raced through the plains. "Hey look! A buffalo!" was the only helpful comment Frodo could give.

"I have an idea!" suddenly Serena's eyes lit up.

"Hi Mr. Buffalo. I am your friend. You will let us ride on your back." She sent the buffalo a force suggestion and calming technique. The buffalo happily (as much as a bufallo could get happy about such a thing) trotted over to where the three people were standing. They hopped on his back and rode away into the horizon.

"She trying to ride a buffalo! Master, Stop that buffalo!" Jacen used the Force to stop the Buffalo. The buffalo stopped, but Serena and Wesley didn't. Everyone burst out laughing.

Serena could feel Jacen's mental will grinding with hers as they wrestled for the buffalo.

_Your not very helpful_. She sent a mental message to Jacen.

_I wasn't trying to be._ he replied.

_I'm glad you admitted it. Realizing your faults is the first step to recovery. _She could feel his anger growing, so she quickly cut off the mind link so she would not be the victim of it. Unfortunately, cutting off the mind link was not enough to save her from his wrath. "Oh, double monkeys." She muttered as the buffalo stopped, and they didn't.

"Good job, Master. Get them everybody!" They caught them and hung them upside down in a tree. "Now you stay here and think about what you've done," Kyp said. "First you dance and sing about an evil animal, second, you try to commandeer a valuable method of transportation. Third, you made Jacen mad."

"Yeah, you made my master enter into his 'Mad Master Mode.' Somehow, he's going to blame this all on me." Crystal said, pouting.

The first thing Serena saw when she woke up was Kyp condescending face looking up at her.

"Buffalo? Where's Mr. Buffalo?" she asked in a dreamy voice, and then went into a song-

"Everybody's got a water buffalo! Yours is fast but mine is slow, where do you get one I don't know but everybody's-"suddenly her mind went back into reality when Kyp bonked her on the head.

"Just what do you think you are doing?" Kyp asked.

"Hanging upside down in a tree." Serena replied.

"She's delirious. 'Everybody's got a water buffalo'. She hasn't sung that in 7 years," Crystal said.

"I've heard the water buffalo song! I sang it in a play we once had. Yoda laughed at me," Anakin said.

"You know, the bark on that tree is actually very pretty." Serena commented. Kyp and Jacen had left Serena, Wesley, and Frodo hanging upside down for about two hours now. But now the two Masters, were with the others discussing what to do now.

"I am a dunce," Serena said calmly. This statement made Frodo wail all the more.

"Oh, shut up you! If it wasn't for the fact that I took that stupid "will help the people oath", you would have your head cut off!" That made Frodo soften down to a whimper.

"I think we should send them back to Rivendell." Legolas said.

"Well, I think we should kill them." Riker said.

"Anybody want to eat them?" the little Hobbit Pippin said. They all glared at him. Crystal could feel the Force moving. _She's going to do something._

"How about we just let them go and watch them carefully." Anakin said.

"Kyp's not as smart as he thinks." Said Serena with a grin, "He forgot about my weapon." Gathering the Force about her, she quietly and quickly ignited her lightsaber, and cut the rope which held her captive. Not wanting the all to distinctive sound of a body hitting the ground, she used the Force to slow herself down, causing only a small patting noise. She soon had all three of them out of the tree. When Frodo started to fall, he started to cry loudly. Serena quickly used the Force to silence him.

"Tell me again why I cut him down?" she asked.

"Because he has the ring." Wesley replied.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

Anakin felt a disturbance in the Force. "She's escaping! To the tree!" he yelled. They raced to the tree but it was too late. They saw Frodo disappear into the forest. "They're in Lothlorien!" Aragorn yelled.

"We shall go forth and defeat them, our enemies." The dwarf Gimli yelled. Everyone looked at him.

"O-K," Crystal said. "And Serena thinks _I'm_ crazy. Everyone, time to go!!"

"And defeat our enemies!" Gimli yelled again.

"How many times can you say Monkeys before it becomes irrelevant?" Serena asked the nearby tree.

"How many times can you say Monkeys before the ring-bearer gets annoyed?" Frodo said sarcastically.

"How many times can the ring-bearer annoy the Jedi before the Jedi cuts off his head?" asked Serena while igniting her lightsaber.

"Will you stop arguing and think of a plan? Unless you would prefer to be captured again." Wesley said.

"Fine, fine."

"Will someone hit them already?" Crystal and the gang were trying to hit Serena, Wesley and 'Hobbit-boy' with arrows. No one could seem to hit them. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the

X-men appeared. Cyclops hit Wesley with his laser eyes and Storm blasted Frodo with lightening. Rogue sucked all the power out of Serena and as quickly as they appeared, they disappeared.

Serena was suddenly blasted off her feet and flung to the ground. She felt her muscles weakening; her brain was slowing. Her body started to feel the coldness of unconsciousness. But she held on to the Force, using it as a light to warm her aching muscles, and as a fire to energize her mind. She grabbed on to the Force and blanketed it around her. Using all she had left, she barely levitated herself off the ground, and disappeared into the heart of the forest.

We caught Wesley and Hobbit-boy and chained them to our buffalo (Who we had fondly named Billy-Bob-John-Roger-Richard, nicknamed Eeut'r.)

Crystal thought, "I saw Serena float into the forest, but I didn't go after her. I like chasing her too much."

Serena gently lowered herself beneath a tree. Her first thought was, _I must save Wesley and Blubber-Boy!_ But after evaluating her situation, she realized that she must regroup with herself before continuing on this mission.

The gang was in the midst of a horrible desert windstorm; which was kinda odd, considering they were in the forest, but hey, who cares?

"Anybody but me think this is odd?" Crystal asked. Legolas nodded.

"Frodo hanging upside down from a tree IS pretty odd. But that is odder," he said, pointing at Riker. Riker was dancing around in a circle doing the Canadian jig.

Serena pulled her weak self toward a tree, hoping to rest herself against it. Serena finally reached the tree, and fell against it for support. But her head hit the ground.

"What in the galaxy?" she wondered. She opened her eyes and saw – well, nothing. It was completely black. After her eyes adjusted to the darkness, I guess the best way to describe what she saw, would be to say that she saw the inside of a tree. Her eyes widened. She gasped, and rolled out of the tree. She looked at the tree, half expecting it to have a hole in it, or some sort of cloaking device. She didn't find any. She tentatively reached her arm toward the tree – and through it. Serena had seen many hideous things in her life: death, betrayal, and things that can't be mentioned, (since this is a G rated book), but she had not faced anything like this, and was not prepared for it. Serena gasped once again and fainted.

Suddenly Yuzzhan Vong come and blew up the planet!

The End

AN: This Story is also under my friends name, Talkative Teal'c, under Star Wars. Cookies to whoever reconized the Veggie Tales reference!


End file.
